Sunday, January 8, 2017

Math Jokes

1) now that it's summer, I can go outside and get a nice sin/cos.  (https://www.pinterest.com/pin/338895940687765349/)

2) Did you know?  3.14% of sailors are pirates. (http://www.piratejokes.net/jokes/3129)

3) Infinitely many mathematicians walk into a bar. The first says, “I’ll have a beer.” The second says, “I’ll have half a beer.” The third says, “I’ll have a quarter of a beer.” Before anyone else can speak, the barman fills up exactly two glasses of beer and serves them. “Come on, now,” he says to the group, “You guys have got to learn your limits.” 
(http://www.rd.com/jokes/math/) 

4) What is the world's longest song?
 "Aleph-nought Bottles of Beer on the Wall."

source: http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/mathjokes/


5) http://www.redbubble.com/explore/math 

 You Shall Not Pass! #MathHumor #MathJoke:

6) http://www.tutoroctavian.com/about.html
 Math jokes with Tutor Octavian (Math Tutor). Like me on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/pages/Tutor-Octavian-Math-Tutor/559426604131581 Webpage: http://www.tutoroctavian.com/about.html #math #joke #funny:
7) http://cheezburger.com/4788151808
graph,homophone,literalism,sign,sine,sine wave,stop,stop sign

8) No, I can't have more π. 
http://www.jokes4us.com/miscellaneousjokes/mathjokes/

9)  Why couldn't the angle get a loan?  His parents wouldn't Cosine 
http://www.quickfunnyjokes.com/math.html 

10) There was once a man named Joe. He was an accountant at a firm called Darley and Sons and he was happy with his life. He had a beautiful wife, two beautiful kids, and an exceptionally beautiful sports car. He worked nine to five and spent 3 hours a day in traffic, and he went home each day to his lovely family. truly lovely. It didn't even matter to him that his daughter spent every car ride screaming, or that his wife never made his favorite for dinner. It didn't matter at all. He was a good man, a family man, and he was a hard worker. Nothing could negate that. And so what? Everybody's got their vices. a little trip to the video store, an 11:15 meeting here and there. And if you really think about it, that's what kept him going. He couldn't be such a great man if he didn't allow himself some occasional lapse in moral lucidity. Just because Karen couldn't see that didn't mean he was in the wrong. His drinking buds did much worse, and he told her that, but she simply could not listen to reason, and so his back was out after sleeping on the couch she bought. It was... tumultuous, and the kids were asking questions. This particular day was the slowest he'd ever had. It was all conferences and presentations, so you'll understand that he was rather pleased when a tall young man walked in and asked his name. That is, until the moment he was served a manila folder of divorce papers. His boss was apparently "sorry to hear that," although that didn't stop him from killing off Joe's career right then. Another hour and a half behind the slowest driver of the century before coming home to a box of his things on the lawn. And that was it, all his identity, confined to a box. And she kept the car. at about 7:15 he pulled up to the CVS parking lot and bought an 11-foot water hose and notepad. At about 7:35 he pulled up to an empty dirt lot and then... and then, his tire blew out. But that didn't matter anymore! Nothing really did! He was resolved. He had closure. He got the hose into the cracked window just right and started the engine. It was fine. Everything was settled. 

He woke up after the sun had set. The gas was entirely gone, but the battery was functionable and the time read 8:46. After one fit of coughing and another fit of crying, he staggered out of the car and dropped to his knees. He could see his pitiful reflection in the car's side by the check engine light. He looked up to the sky. "Why, God?" he asked. "what is the answer? Please, please! Just give me a solution! I NEED SOMETHING, GOD!!!" he could barely get his words out through the tears. "If nothing else, give me this," he pleaded, "just tell me how to start. Where do I begin, where can I go from here? I am in hell. I cannot see a way out. I cannot even visualize the problems I need to solve. Could there simply be no solution? Help me God! PLEASE!" 

Suddenly the night became impossibly darker. A layer of clouds parted to reveal the stars. It was beautiful. And Joe heard something. A low rumble that turned into a roar, and out of that blackness came a great voice, and it said: "draw. a. triangle." 
                                            - Rebecca Torrez





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